I hate you
by Suni Daughter of Moro
Summary: Hate progresses to love as Fai and Kurogane find themselves drawn to each other. First chapter is Kuro's POV second Fai's third is third person forth is Fai again and fifth is Kurogane again.
1. Kurogane hates Fai

I hate you. I hate everything about you. I hate the way you act like everything's okay when it's all falling apart. I hate that damned stupid smile you wear to hide your pain. I hate how you're afraid to talk about your past. I hate how you push me away or try to distract me whenever I get close to piercing the surface. I hate how you shut everyone out. I hate the way you struggle to hold up the crumbling walls that separate you from the rest of the world.

I hate the way you talk so much yet say so little. I hate the way your eyes cry while your mouth twists into a smile. I hate the way you act like a fool when you know it all. I hate the way you lie and deceive people to keep them from knowing the real you. I hate how you can't be true to your emotions. I hate the way you can't be honest with anyone. I hate how you can't even be honest with yourself.

I hate you for the stupid nicknames. I hate you for all the laughter made at my expense. I hate you for the way you encourage the stupid talking manjuu to be just like you. I hate you for teaching it to mock me like you do.

I hate the way you play games with our heads. I hate the way you play games with your life. I hate you because you can't be serious. I hate you because it's all a game to you. I hate the way you're dying to be our sacrificial lamb.

I hate how you let your past control you. I hate how you let it own you. I hate the way you live in the past. I hate the way you miss what's right in front of you because you're too busy looking back at the past.

I hate the way you run away from your problems. I hate the way you hide. I hate the way you can't even be true to your own emotions. I hate the way you can't believe in anything. I hate how you can't trust in anyone. I hate how you can't be trusted.

I hate how cold you can be. I hate how insensitive and unfeeling you are. I hate how you don't understand others. I hate how you want them to misunderstand you. I hate how you don't even seem to understand yourself.

I hate how you get up in my face. I hate how you hang all over me. I hate the way you treat me like a pet. I hate the way you're so close yet so far away.

I hate you for being you. I hate you because I can't change you, can't fix you, can't even touch you. But I hate you most of all because you're what I fear I could have become.


	2. Fai hates Kurogane

I hate you. I hate everything about you. I hate the way you look at me. I hate the way you stare right through my smile and see the real me. I hate how I can try so hard and yet I still can't lie to you. I hate the way you put me under a magnifying glass even though you know how much I hate it. I hate the way you need to delve deeper. I hate the way you won't just accept me at face value. I hate the way you make me feel like my every move is being judged.

I hate the way you have to be so serious all the time. I hate the way you can't smile. I hate how you can't be playful. I hate how you refuse to play my games. I hate the way you won't laugh with me.

I hate how you never get drunk. I hate how even a dozen bottles of hard liquor doesn't make you any less serious. I hate how, even when you're intoxicated, every word you speak is careful precise and piercing.

I hate how blunt you are. I hate how you aren't afraid to speak your mind. I hate how insensitive you are. I hate how you press me for the truth, knowing how much pain you cause me. I hate how cold your words are.

I hate the way you yell all the time. I hate how tense you always are. I hate the way you can't relax. I hate the way you can't have fun. I hate the way you look so angry all the time. I hate the way you stand back and watch while we have all the fun.

I hate the way you don't know a thing about me and yet you act like you do. I hate the way you think you know how I should act. I hate how you tell me I should believe. I hate how you think I should trust in others.

I hate how insistant you are on getting home. I hate how you look so far ahead that you can't see what's right in front of your face. I hate the way you live in the future. I hate the way you make it seem as though you'll forget us all the very second you return home. I hate the way we're all just an obstacle to you. I hate the way we're all just a burden to you. I hate the way I'm so certain I'll fade from your memory like a bad dream.

I hate you for being you. I hate that I can't make you smile, make you laugh, make you have a little fun. But I hate you most of all because you're what I could have become.


	3. From Hate to Love

"Why do you always hide behind that damned smile?" Kurogane asked as he downed half a bottle of sake in one quick gulp. "Do you really think you can fool me?"

"Why do you always insist on putting me under a microscope?" Fai retorted, still working on his fifth bottle while Kurogane was at least up to his tenth.

"I want to know what makes you so scared to show me the real you," Kurogane answered.

"Have I ever told you how much I hate to be studied?" Fai glared at him with piercing blue eyes. "Or, for that matter, how much I hate you?"

"You hate me, huh? Why?" Kurogane asked, grinning wolfishly, as if he was proud of being hated.

"A lot of reasons," Fai replied.

"Well the feeling's mutual," Kurogane finished his bottle and popped open another. "So what is it about me that you hate the most?"

"The way you're always analyzing me," Fai admitted, after a moment of thought, "or maybe the way you're always so serious. So what do you hate most about me?"

"The way you can't be honest about anything," Kurogane responded bluntly. Not a moment of thought had to be put into this answer. He had thought it out far in advance.

"If you want the truth about me, you could just cut me open and study me from the inside." Fai eyed the set of knives Kurogane had been given when they entered this world, "After all, you certainly have the tools to do so."

"You're a waste of time and space," Kurogane said bitterly.

"Yet _you_ refuse to let me die," Fai pointed out. "Why do you want me to stay alive if you hate me that much?"

"Dunno," Kurogane shrugged. "Probably because the kid and the princess would be upset if you died."

"Don't pretend like any of us mean anything to you. Don't pretend that you give a damn. We're just an obstacle you have to overcome in order to get home," Fai argued.

"Quit it with the melodrama already. The fact that I hate you at least shows that I give a damn about you. If I didn't care, then I wouldn't hate you so much."

"You think that's enough for someone like me?" Fai let out a hollow laugh.

"What do you want from me then? Do you want me to wish you were dead? To want to kill you myself?" Kurogane cocked an eyebrow.

"I heard once that it's the greatest feeling in the world to die by the hands of the one you love," Fai mumbled solemnly.

"What's that?" Kurogane asked.

"Nothing," Fai flashed a feline smile.

"You love me, huh? Tomoyo-hime told me once that love and hate were essentially the same thing. Maybe that's why that feeling's mutual too," Kurogane said.

"What?" Fai blinked in surprise.

"We both hate and love each other... I wonder... which do you think is stronger? Love or hate?"

Fai opened his mouth to answer but Kurogane didn't give him time todo so. He reached over and pinned Fai to the floor. He kissed him passionately as he ripped through the line of buttons on Fai's shirt. After a few moments, he pulled away.

"So do you feel aroused or repulsed?" Kurogane asked. "Do you love me or hate me more?"

"Keep going," Fai breathed heavily.

"You love me then?" Kurogane whispered tauntingly in his ear before biting his earlobe.

Fai gasped. He replied in a wavering breathless voice, "I'm not sure."

Kurogane pulled away in surprise at Fai's uncertainty. "How far am I going to have to take this before you make up your mind?" he demanded.

"I don't know but let's find out," Fai pulled Kurogane back to him and tore Kurogane's shirt over his head.

Kurogane never got an answer that night, not even after they had sex. Fai fell right to sleep there on the floor beside him with amazing ease but Kurogane stayed awake for hours with an uneasy mind. When he woke up the next morning, everything was gone - the empty bottles, Fai, the "evidence" of what had transpired. Kurogane sat up and looked around for any sign of Fai but, of course, there was none. He sat there for a few minutes, his mind empty of thoughts.

"Oh, you're awake," Fai smiled as he walked back into the room. "Breakfast is on the table, Kuro-sama, so go get it before it gets cold."

Kurogane stood up and grabbed Fai by the wrist as he walked by. "You can't just pretend last night didn't happen."

"I don't intend to. Last night was fun," Fai smiled slyly.

"Do you have your answer to the question yet?" Kurogane demanded.

Fai nodded. "I love you... but I still hate you a little too. Not as much as I did."

"I can live with that," Kurogane grinned. "Want to go up to my room?"

"Alright," Fai smiled felinely and happily followed Kurogane up the stairs.


	4. Fai Loves Kurogane

I love you. I love everything about you. I love the way you look at me. I love the way you stare right through my smile and see the real me. I love how you always find the truth in me even when I try so hard to hide it. I love the way you put me under a magnifying glass no matter how much I protest against it. I love the way you need to delve deeper. I love the way you won't just accept me at face value. In truth, I've always wanted someone to find the real me.

I love how serious you are. I love the way you only smile for me. I love how you can be playful... in bed. I love how you agree to play my games... in bed. I love the way you try to laugh with me, though it clearly isn't in your nature. I love the way this relationship has changed your whole attitude.

I love how you didn't get drunk that night. I love how the twelve bottles of liquor didn't make you take things any easier. I love how, even when you were intoxicated, every word you spoke was thoughtful and careful, as I know all of your actions were. I love you for how well you handled the situation that night.

I love how blunt you are. I love how you aren't afraid to speak your mind. I love how honest your words are. I love the fact that you can be so open with me, even when you know it hurts me to hear it.

I love the way you yell all the time. I love how tense you always are. I love the way you can only relax when it's just you and me. I love the way you can have fun with me now. I love the way you look when we head upstairs. I love the way you don't mind having fun when it's just you and me. I love that being alone with me changes you so much.

I love the way you know everything about me long before I tell you. I love the way you tell me I should believe. I love how you think I should trust in others.

I love how your die hard will to get home isn't so extreme anymore. I love how you've stopped looking far into the future. I love how you now live in the present with me. I love the way you make sure that I feel I'll always be remembered. I love the way you make sure that I'll always feel loved. I love the way you make sure I'll never think that I am a burden or an obstacle ever again. I love the way I'm so certain I'll be in all of your memories and in all of your good dreams from now on.

I love you for being you. I love that I can now make you smile, make you laugh, make you have a little fun. But I love you most of all because you've changed me for the better.


	5. Kurogane Loves Fai

I love you. I love everything about you. I love the way you act like everything's okay when it's all falling apart, because it gives me confidence now. I love you no longer try to hide from me behind that damned stupid smile. I love how you're starting to tell me about your past. I love how you're trying as hard as you can not push me away whenever I get close to piercing the surface anymore. I love how you've stopped shutting me out. I love the way you're finally letting the crumbling walls fall down now. You've held your guard up for far too long already.

I love the way that your word are slowly starting to have more meaning. I love the way you're trying not to go against your true feelings anymore. I love the way you act honestly with me, even if you still pretend to be a fool when the kid and the princess are around. I love the way those days when you would lie and deceive to keep me from knowing the real you are over. I love how you're trying be true to your emotions. I love the way you're beginning to be honest with me. I love the way you're starting to be honest with yourself.

I love you for the stupid nicknames. I love you for all the laughter made at my expense. I realize now that it's how you show you care. I still hate you for the way you encourage the stupid talking manjuu to be just like you. I still hate you for teaching it to mock me like you do.

I love the way you no longer play games with my heads. I love the way you've stopped playing games with your life. I love you because you really can be serious and you're proving it with how well you've handled our relationship so far. I love you because you've learned it's more than just a game. I love the way you've learned that living with us is so much better than dying for us.

I love the way your past no longer controls you. I love the way you're breaking free from it. I love the way you've stopped living in the past. I love the way you've turned around and seen me standing right in front of you for the first time. I love the way you've started living in the present with me.

I love the way you face your problems now. I love the way you no longer hide. I love the way you aren't afraid to come to me for help when you think it's too hard for you to handle on your own. I love the way you're starting to let yourself be true to your own emotions. I love the way you at least believe in me now. I love how you can trust me now and how I can trust you.

I love how much you've changed. I love how I no longer find you cold. I love how you're no longer insensitive and unfeeling. I love how you're learning to understand others. I love how you've stopped want them to misunderstand you. I love how you're starting to better understand yourself.

I love how you get up in my face. I love how you hang all over me. I love the way you treat me like a pet. It annoys the hell out of me but I know it's how you show you care for me.

I love you for being you. I love everything about you. But I love you most of all because you've changed me for the better.


End file.
